The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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