I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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