and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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