So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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