we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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