I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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