Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
