yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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