Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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