all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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