I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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