atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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