i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
