It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
