Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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