the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
