Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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