I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
