Only a mothe r could love this liver
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
