I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
