Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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