nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
