On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
