This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
