After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
