She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
