I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
this is an emotional support booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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