we have pet lesbian snakes
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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