I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
