i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
