He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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