Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
