wrigley field is MILF paradise
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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