There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
