On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
