who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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