last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
