Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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