Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
