paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
