Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
