I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
