i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
