You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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