It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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