2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
