i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
