This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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