i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
