he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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