At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
