listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
