The maid of honor just puked.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
