omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She bit a glass in half.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
