It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
