So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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