I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
