Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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