the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
