i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm like, not good at living.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
